Instant Dislike Syndrome – A Cure At Last!

Remember the last time you met someone you took an instant dislike to? Chances are, you can’t explain why, all you know is they rubbed you up the wrong way. Everything about them was annoying.  If you’re lucky it was in a social situation and you could ignore them or leave or even tell them exactly what you thought of them, but what do you do when it happens at work?

Your options are considerably more limited and your future considerably more bleak especially if the person you have taken an instant dislike to is your new boss or worse yet, the company’s biggest client you’ve just been assigned to work with.  With a little luck and a large dose of professionalism, you cope. But what about the other side of the coin? What if the new boss or the biggest client has taken an instant dislike to you?

You could try ingratiating yourself, bribery has been known to work wonders, or you could try a little behavioural style modification.  That simply means altering your personality style to more closely match the person you’re having problems with. Pay attention to five key areas, pace, directness, openness, relationship orientation and task orientation and you’ll easily be able to bring your own style more closely into alignment with them.

Pace
Do they speak quickly or slowly? Do they move fast or take their time? Do they make quick decisions and move on? Or do they take their time and ponder all the details? If they’re fast, pick up your own pace a bit, if they’re slow, take a deep breath and slow yourself down.

Directness
Do they tell you or ask you? If they want something done, do they say “Would you mind getting me the figures for the report?” or is it more a case of “Get me those report figures by lunchtime.” It may take a little practise, but you can modify your style to deal with this. If they ask, you ask. If they tell, you tell.

Openness
Can you read them like a book or do they tend to keep their thoughts to themselves?  Are they happy to tell you their entire life story or is getting anything personal out of them trickier than pulling all their teeth? If they’re open, feel free to share your own hopes, dreams and aspirations. If they’re more self-contained, keep a lid on it.

Relationship-Oriented
Are they a people person, concerned with other people’s feelings and very community conscious or are they very socially connected, often talking about who they know, who is doing what to whom, the latest party they attended, and which school you attended? Both of these examples are relationship-oriented people, though often in very different ways and to get on with them, you need to play their game.

Task-Oriented
Not into all that touchy-feely stuff? Then it’s likely they’re task-oriented, much more concerned with getting the job done than examining how they feel about it. Maybe they want all the facts and figures and time to mull them over, or perhaps they just want to know the high-points and get on with it. Either way, their focus is on the job at hand and to relate well with them, yours should be too.

If your difficult boss or client only speaks Swahili, you’d learn the language wouldn’t you? Matching behavioural styles is a lot like that.